what the truck

scenes from the sun mountain 50k trail race, 2013.
photo courtesy of melody mândrean coleman.

i need a a truck.

a no-nonsense, no-frills little pickup truck.

with a shell.

it's more "want" than "need," maybe, but i can rationalize whatever difference there may be between the two.

it should be a vehicle that makes a statement by making no statement whatsoever. strictly utilitarian. something a few years old ~ 2007-ish, say. a 4-cylinder with a 5-speed-manual transmission, for the gas mileage. 

something the dogs can ride in to the vet or the park or wherever dogs need to ride. with a bed big enough to throw down an inflatable mattress and sleeping bags for weekend overnighters. out-of-town trail races. impromptu mountain excursions. like that.

sounds like fun, doesn't it? sure it does. big fun. so, how much could a simple, basic little vehicle like this possibly cost?

one million dollars.

okay, maybe not quite a million, but still. turns out a decent, won't-break-down-the-minute-we've-bought-it pickup (a toyota tacoma, for example), costs north of $20,000. even garden-variety '07 ford rangers start at nearly $20k.

what. the. hell.

that kind of coin would buy a lot of nights at some very nice bed & breakfasts. or at a four seasons hotel, for that matter. when did little banger trucks become the fabergé eggs of the automotive world? for the price of something more extravagant, say a new automatic 4x4 with an extended cab, we'd have a down payment on a nice house. or many years' supply of above-average wine.

i'll take the house, and the wine, thanks. i'll drive my seven-year-old, paid-for honda civic to the comfy B&B, like a civilized person, and run to the nearest trailhead.

the dogs can find their own ride.

zen test

photo courtesy of thetrevorproject.org

"There is a corner in every human heart made to be filled with hatred, fear, and violence. It is our common curse, and when we feed that space, it grows larger, stronger, and more vicious. Whoever you are, wherever you are from, whatever you believe, that corner exists within you. You know it because you have filled it, in one way or another, at one time or another, because it is there, and because you are human.

"The great challenge of our common humanity, and of every individual, is to make a void of that space as best we can."

~ william rivers pitt

***********

bad happens every day.

and our collective survival instinct demands that we pay attention to it, so we learn to avoid it. trouble is, fed too much attention, the bad can take on a grim, feral life of its own. it's a wild, dark energy that can turn on you and eat you alive.

this is true...and yet somehow the world is not, always or entirely, a carnivorous beast. we know this because sometimes ~ in quiet moments between the relentless waves pounding our souls ~ sometimes awesome happens.

"It's incredible. You're just trying to live an honest, genuine life and the next thing you know you have the president calling you." ~ jason collins, nba player and oh-by-the-way gay nba player

by now everyone knows why jason collins coming out is important and game-changing and perspective-altering, right? it's this: sports is the official religion of america. we worship teams and athletes and coaches far more piously than we do the guy for whom christianity is named. so when the first active player in the history of footballbaseballbasketballhockey stands up in america's church and says, "hi, i'm gay," it's a very big deal to tens of millions of parishioners who suddenly have something extra to meditate on.

it becomes a bigger deal when fellow players, star players even, look over at jason collins (and other gay players who will inevitably follow his lead), nod their heads and say, "okay, that's cool."  their example, writ large and loud enough for even the most knurled of knuckleheads to grasp, will make it more okay to be gay and less okay to subject LGBT people to discrimination, hostility, and violence. 

it makes it easier for states like minnesota to join the growing number of states (plus washington, d.c.) officially making marriage equality the law of the land.

"What a day for Minnesota," Gov. Mark Dayton told spectators at the signing ceremony on the steps of the State House in St. Paul. "What a difference a year and an election can make in our state."

continuing on this path...if you lean more toward the life-affirming and less toward the constant death-fetishizing in the "news," you might enjoy this:

On March 11 2005, Kevin Berthia wanted to end his life. He climbed over the railing of the Golden Gate Bridge and was preparing to jump into San Francisco Bay when he heard a voice calling out to him from above.

It wasn’t the voice of a spiritual presence, but that of California Highway Patrol Officer Kevin Briggs. The two talked for an hour before Berthia decided to climb back onto the bridge deck and give life another chance.

Eight years later, the pair reunited in an emotional ceremony honoring Briggs and other members of the CHP whose job is to persuade suicidal men and women from jumping off the bridge.

Much of the attention at the event was on Berthia and his courage to speak about his experience. But after his introduction, it was Briggs who found himself overcome with emotion, needing to lean on the young man whose life he had helped save.

breathe that in. refreshing, isn't it? it's enough, maybe, to keep one from jumping out of bed and immediately into the fetid puddle of despair and disappointment the corporate media peddles as tragedy-porn infoganda news.

as the final bright spot du jour, we present this guy: the rev. dr. roger ray, pastor at the community christian church in springfield, mo. full disclosure: i don't care much for the jesus fan clubs that demonstrate daily they have no idea who jesus was or what he was about. but no matter who or what or if you worship, you will see that dr. ray gets it. i'm not a church guy...but i would spend time in this church.

"I've spent two decades speaking in college classrooms, church basements, from pulpits trying to explain why biblically, psychologically, philosophically, medically, socially, that we should not continue to be prejudiced against gay people and be willing to celebrate same-sex relationships with the same joy and respect that we afford to heterosexual relationships. But I'm no longer willing to pretend that there's anyone left on Earth who needs more time or more information to process that fact.

"We don't have to pretend that ignorant prejudice is not ignorant prejudice. We don't have to act like it's okay. It is no longer our responsibility to explain to conservatives why we're not prejudiced against gay people. It's up to them to explain to us why they think they should be able to preserve that prejudice." ~ rev. dr. roger ray

bad happens. but as dr. ray demonstrates, we don't have to surrender to it or wear it around like concrete sackcloth. responding to random calamity is a test we take every day. (hmm, make it worse or make it better? make it worse or make it better? what to do, what to do.) and every time we quietly get up, brush ourselves off, and get busy living ~ we pass.




on my feet and moving.

try fecta

well, that wasn't so bad.

i had built it up into something more than it was, i guess. something more intimidating than it should've been.

three weekends, three races.

4/13 squak mountain half marathon

4/20 rattler half marathon

4/27 soaring eagle 20-mile

as noted previously (i think), this little series started with one race i registered for (squak) and two i won entries for. that the three were back-to-back-to-back was entirely coincidental. but i thought it'd be interesting to see if i could do it.

turns out i could. but not the way i thought. what i thought was that the first two events would build on each other and i would peak heading into the third one. and that's what i get for thinking.

squak mountain was the most difficult course i've ever run. the ups and downs were long and steep and tougher on the legs than i realized while they were happening. i got the message in the couple days afterward, when just going down stairs hurt. but the next race was less than a week away, which meant i had to get over it and get ready to go again.

between squak and the rattler half i walked a couple miles one day, rode the stationary bike one day, and did two short, slow recovery runs. by the end of the week i felt pretty good.

the rattler course was tough, but not quite as demanding as squak, and i was able to take half an hour off my finishing time. still, early on it was clear i had less in the tank to tackle the climbs and descents in pipestone canyon. i was surprised and happy to finish in 2 hours.

the next week, my legs were not quite as trashed, and the recovery runs were not quite as difficult. which was good, because the last event was 20 miles, and oh, yeah i had never run 20 miles before.

in between the rattler and soaring eagle i walked a couple miles, and did two longer recovery runs. plus, i took two days off before race day, rather than one, which seemed to help my legs recover a just bit more.

having done several half marathons, i thought i could probably do two in a row without totally imploding. but i wasn't expecting squak to be as debilitating as it was, and for the rattler to be as tough a slog as it turned into.

therefore i was prepared for soaring eagle to be a total grind. pleasant surprise: it wasn't...mostly.

the course, by comparison, was much easier. the ups and downs were not so steep ~ more rolling, less taxing on the legs. but there was that distance thing ~ three 6.6+ mile loops around the park. 

the first two loops went well, i managed my pace (for a change), and refueled (overfueled, probably) at every aid station. starting the third loop, i knew i could finish. as i ran, i thought about finishing. i envisioned and celebrated finishing. then, the last three miles happened. 

i noticed i wasn't picking up my feet as well as i would've liked. rocks and logs and roots got bigger, mud became muddier. i tweaked my ankle a couple times. and, i started talking to myself. "let's keep going!" i said out loud, more than once. "this is awesome!" i insisted. "we love this!" i think some guys on bikes may have heard that one. i didn't care.

the last half mile, it started raining. buckets. and i started laughing. i really was gassed at that point and the fact that the rain set in so close to the end just struck me as funny. so, i laughed, and i finished. in a bit of a daze, but with a smile on my face.

standing under the aid tent i ate and waited for the rain to let up. twenty minutes later it was still raining, and i was full. i thanked all the volunteers i could see, and scurried off to my car. 

it was a slow scurry.


***********

epilogue: i'm ready to go 26.2. 

after staying healthy at these trail events, i'm certain i can run 26.2 on the roads.

trouble is, i'm booked solid the next several weeks. i keep scanning my calendar, trying to invent an opening...

all trained up and nowhere to go.

***********

"You are confined only by walls you build yourself." ~ anon.


on my feet and moving.

twisps and turns

panorama panacea.

it's a random, nonsensical collection of letters ~ as if a monkey had whacked the keyboard hoping to be rewarded with a banana:

twisp.

it looks kinda weird sitting on the page like that. what's a twisp, after all? old-school breakfast cereal? a fancy cookie? an uncomfortably tiny car? yeah, no.

twisp is an unexpected little town in washington state, up in the methow valley north of wenatchee, and a long way from what i imagined.

for starters, the mountain scenery ringing the town is mesmerizing, boggling. with 300 days of sunshine a year, you can soak up the views ~ and the free vitamin D ~ instead of slogging through an overkill of overcast in seattle.

then there's the creature comforts.

after driving more than four hours to get to twisp, i was hungry. i was hungry again after running the race i went there to run. come to think of it, i was hungry pretty much the entire time i was there. so, thankfully twisp had options. which is to say "good options." one was tappi, where i ate twice. it's an italian place with a wood-fired oven at which john, the owner and chef, skillfully cooks everything that needs cooking. the service was equally good. by the second evening the waitresses were calling me by name and one of them even brought me a pair of readers so i could see the menu without holding it past arm's length. she just kind of swept by and set them on the table, without a fuss. i found this very endearing.

at lunch one day i ate at the twisp river pub, which brews its own beer and serves up better-than-bar food. outside, the actual twisp river flows by, and deer wander along its banks. really. culinary note: their hefeweizen was excellent, the halibut chowder was full of halibut, and somehow the chicken quesadilla was way above average. i think it must've been the roasted pasilla peppers.

the glover street market is a health food store with an impressive selection of beer, wine, cheese, and baguettes. which really are health foods, from many a standpoint. i bought some of each there, including a goat chèvre, a bottle of locally brewed new school ESB, and an intriguing spanish red table wine. all of which i enjoyed over the next couple days on the expansive deck at the methow valley inn.

the MVI was recommended by the folks at methow endurance (which hosted the race which, as noted previously, i ran). when i wasn't running, however, i was busy being very comfortable at the MVI ~ a sprawling, homespun, turn-of-the-last-century farmhouse. terry, one of the owners, is a genial host, full of local knowledge he's happy to share...and he cooks up a mean locavore breakfast. i would recommend his place to anyone (unless i want to stay there and there aren't enough rooms, in which case i'd say, "no bueno, stay away!")

look quickly, step lively.

finally, there was the race (did i mention there was a race? yeah, there was). the rattler half marathon is set in stunning pipestone canyon, about 25 minutes northeast of twisp. the course features over 2000 feet of elevation and miles of views that would love to distract you from the trail (and the rattlesnakes).

trouble is, too much sightseeing here is a health hazard. faceplanting the trail at any one of a thousand moments is a deceptively quick-and-easy possibility. rattlesnake encounters, we were told, also are not uncommon. so, basically it was a good idea to be at defcon 5 the entire time.

note: no rattlesnakes were reported, nor any mountain lions, which also enjoy roaming these hills. hunting monkeys banging on keyboards, probably. the race was a blast, and i would love to run it again next year.

where are we going with this? nowhere, really. except to say i left twisp wistfully, wishing there were some financially feasible way to live there. it's not that it's expensive ~ houses are cheap and acreage is abundant. but unless you show up with pockets-ful o' money or can make a living online, there's not a lot going on, economy-wise.

then there's the small-but-important detail that the children would go ballistic at the prospect of small town life, and the missus likely would go stir crazy in the winter. it'd be "the shining" in reverse, with my lovely wife, axe in hand, announcing, "wendy, i'm home!" or some variation thereof.

sigh. so...while there's no likely prospect of a life in twisp, i can at least lobby for visiting more than once in a brigadoon.

it's a reasonable alternative to the random and nonsensical...

Tommy Albright: Look, I'm not saying I believe all this, but just for argument's sake, suppose... suppose a stranger like ~ well, like...like me ~ came to Brigadoon and wanted to stay. Could he?

Mr. Lundie: [gives him a long look, then smiles] Aye, he could, lad. Mr. Forsythe provided for that...

you break 'em, we fix 'em

there's probably no connection.

but not far from here are two businesses, side-by-side.

DJ's Loan & Sport Pawn * Gun Shop
("We buy firearms * Loans * Guns")

HealthPoint Community Health Center
("Welcome New Patients")

***********

they should share a sign, with a different headline on each side. so, depending on which way you're driving...

"get your shots here."

"protect your family today."

something like that. i'm still finessing the details.

small truths

"We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this and am happy I lived long enough to find it out."

~ roger ebert

we're so busy.

we scramble around and make plans and carefully tend to our illusions of control.

things to do, places to go. more things to do. time flies by in a blur of mandatories. 

sometimes, though, life happens. and plans change. and we're reminded that control is not what we think it is.

other times, death happens. and no matter how it does ~ quickly, quietly, dramatically, dispassionately ~ we're not ready. and we're reminded that life is not what we think it is.

when last we spoke, i was going on and on about running this, that and the other race. the idea of it felt good and solid and in its way, important.

within minutes of finishing saturday's event, i learned there had been a death in my family. then, this morning, bombs devastated the boston marathon.

suddenly "this, that and the other" has to be re-evaluated. plans have to adapt. perspective is evolving on the fly. 

as often as possible, the mandatories in life should be our own, not someone else's. what's "good" and "important" is ours to decide. and it's probably worth considering if there's such a thing as "solid."

our time here will be over in the blink of an eye. move quickly.

***********

We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The "tide in the affairs of men" does not remain at the flood; it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residue of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: "Too late." There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. "The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on..."

~ martin luther king, jr.

into the great wide open

ultra-something.

“Dream big by setting yourself seemingly impossible challenges. You then have to catch up with them.” 
~ sir richard branson

ultra running is loosely defined as "...anything past the marathon, or 26.2 miles. However, the shortest standard distance that is considered an ultra is the 50 kilometer distance, or 31.07 miles."

i'd add that for a less-accomplished runner, an ultra is "...anything past the distance one considers 'crazy.'"

full disclosure: based on the 50k standard, i'm "less accomplished." so this month, by my standard, i'm heading into the crazy.

starting this weekend (4/13) i'm signed up for the squak mountain half marathon, followed by the rattler half (4/20), followed by the soaring eagle 20-mile event (4/27).

these are all trail races over terrain i've not run, with about 8,000 feet of elevation between them. so there's an element of the unknown (and a degree of difficulty) ahead. perhaps more importantly, i've never run lengthy trail races on back-to-back-to-back weekends. even more importantly, i've never run 20 miles. not all at once, anyway.

so i'd argue (with myself, mostly) that the upcoming stretch of weekends is kind of ultra. also, maybe, kinda ultra-dumb. but you know what? fuck it. you don't know unless you try.

point of order: just so we're clear, i'm not grotesquely unprepared. i've run several half marathons and several long-ish (10-mile +) trail events. at least one a month for the last several months (plus lots and lots of consistent training miles). last weekend i did a 13.2 training run, and standing here today i'm feeling pretty good (except for this rib on my right side that feels like it's slightly out of place. but, i mean, it's not protruding from my flesh or anything).

so, from a training standpoint, it feels like maybe i can do this. i think i can ~ but i'm not sure i can. but if i could, it would set me up for something 26.2-ish in may. 

i'm not sure i can do that, either. but i'm willing to find out.

see what i'm doing here? literally talking myself into this as i type it.

sometimes it has to be done. dreaming big ≈ dreaming crazy.

on my feet and moving.