sealife chronicles
life on earth is 90% water. which means we're all sealife.
Tuesday, November 12, 2024
No Shame No Problem
Wednesday, November 06, 2024
This Is Who We Are
The Fuck Around And Find Out movement has voted to set the world ablaze to see if fire is hot.
Tuesday, October 01, 2024
Celebration On Wheels, Destination Unknown
Quintas (left) Vivienne (right) Mauna Kea (everywhere else) |
Guardian of Forever: "Well, that's because this is tomorrow's paper. You're 'still very much alive' today. But by all means, continue wasting time."
Hilarious friend Ruth: "62? A youngster! It’s never too late to find out if you have osteoporosis!"
Sunday, August 25, 2024
Highlights From Hurricane Hone
Gracie, fearless. |
It's Sunday afternoon.
We've never seen so much rain here on the farm (and we've seen some ridiculous storms in the last three years).
Nevertheless, here we are—with 15 inches of water in our buckets, and a steady downpour keeping us mindful that much more is likely.
Wednesday, August 07, 2024
First-World Problems and The Tim Solution
"Oh, boy." "Oh, boy, what?" "You're f*cked." |
At the time, though, we had no reason to believe the simple, mundane act of BUYING A LAWNMOWER would come back to bite us.
But...here we are.
"Oh, and don't forget to check the oil." |
Tuesday, July 09, 2024
Picture of Grief
Not the Saturday we wanted, but the Saturday we needed. |
Eventually the current thing slides beneath the waves, temporarily out of sight—but never really out of mind. And soon we’re grieving some new thing, or maybe resurfacing the old thing, or maybe all the things all at once all the time.
Sometimes it’s like a light breeze barely moving a translucent curtain at the kitchen window.
Other times it’s a thousand firehoses in the chest that you drag yourself up from, a couple miles down the road.
It’s funny! You can’t stop laughing!
It’s not funny. You can’t complete a simple task you’ve done a million times, before the grief thing happened.
The dark humor is never far from the surface.
OFFICER (slightly bored): “Gentlemen, can I ask what you’re doing?”
BROTHER 1: “Of course—we’re spreading our mom’s ashes.”
OFFICER: …
BROTHER 2 (helpfully): “Human remains…”
OFFICER (no longer bored): “This is a kids’ baseball field!!”
BROTHER 1: “Exactly! See, our mom spent a lot of time watching us play baseball when we were growing up…”
BROTHER 2: “…so we thought this would be the perfect place. Right?”
(they nod and smile together)*
***
I delivered a eulogy of sorts recently, something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do.
The rehearsals didn’t go the way I wanted, which is to say I couldn’t get through most of them without crying.
Public speaking is hard for me. Public crying, even more so.
Maybe it's because I’m of a certain age when boys were gently discouraged from such behavior.
ADULT ROLE MODEL: “Stuff that trauma way down, kid, and NEVER circle back to process it. Get it? Got it? Good. Boys, what do we have to say to little Mortimer, here?”
BOYS: “Crybaby! CRYbaby! CRYBABY! CRYBABY!”
(they turn their backs and walk away laughing—fade to black)
***
So, I may have had some latent anxiety about the eulogy.
Regardless, Saturday afternoon arrived, as afternoons indifferently do, and the time to speak was upon me.
Predictably, the microphone and the sound system and the “AV technician” conspired against me—I would be required to project my own voice across the room.
I teed up my speech, took a deeply shaky breath, and…nailed it.
An amusing anecdote early on got a laugh from the gathering—evidently all the encouragement I needed.
I gestured at people and props at appropriate times, emphasized the correct words in most of the sentences, and had just one wavering moment, right near the end.
I paused, took another breath, and pushed through.
People clapped. I closed the laptop, smiled a small, grateful smile, and looked at the tops of my shoes. Always the kid looking for approval.
***
My brother got up next and delivered a moving soliloquy—during which he cried.
My dad got up and delivered a few halting words of gratitude. He cried.
Others in the audience got up and spoke extemporaneously and beautifully. Most of them cried.
And yet nobody laughed or called them crybabies.
What the hell.
***
Text from daughter, on her way to the airport afterward: “I love you buddy!!!”
Me: (sobs)
***
Grieving and healing are little goblins that happen at their own chaotic, non-linear pace.
Learning and unlearning, apparently, are better angels…that happen when we’re ready for them to.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.
***
Sweet and low like a gift you're bringing
Play it for me one more time now
Got to give it all we can now
I believe every word you're saying
Just keep on, keep on playing
Friday, June 28, 2024
There Be Poop Here
Your cart may vary. Poop not included. |
Evidently, I missed it.
At the time it was going on, I was outside collecting eggs, mucking out a chicken coop, scraping botfly eggs off of three horses, and filling up our Gorilla Cart with horse poop.
Between those options and witnessing a sh*t show, I greatly preferred the ones I chose.
A proper presidential debate is an intelligent discussion of ideas and ideals that set a noble standard for Americans and the rest of the world. It is filled with soaring rhetoric that is long-remembered and oft-quoted in the annals of history.
Debaters may differ on the details of their plan to reach such heights, but those differences are never so great that they can't be reconciled with a handshake—and later by, say, a Congress and a Judiciary working in good faith.
As a general, non-negotiable matter, a candidate's plan cannot be to violently overthrow our government after losing an election. Apparently this take is now controversial.
One of this year's candidates is old and tired, but he has done a creditable job cleaning up the feculent mess left by his predecessor.
The other "candidate" is old and severely disordered, in addition to being a felon, a sex offender, and an insurrectionist.
The two are not the same.
Between them, one is a rational, if mildly imperfect choice.
The other is plainly and inevitably lethal to the hopes and dreams of billions of
people at home and abroad—which one might argue is disqualifying.
***
Anyhoo, daybreak has once again come to the Hāmākua Coast. Chores are calling, and the Gorilla Cart isn't going to fill itself.
That's one thing I've learned from this little farm adventure we're on: if we get busy with other things (or just want to take a couple days off), all of a sudden the poop takes over.
At that point it takes a lot longer to clean up.