Friday, April 07, 2006

i am jesus

illus | water walk

i mean, i think i may be jesus. i base this on the fact that, like the guy in the bible, i've walked on water.

sure, the water was frozen at the time, but why should that matter to the faithful?
Combining evidence of a cold snap 2,000 years ago with sophisticated mapping of the Sea of Galilee, Israeli and U.S. scientists have come up with a scientific explanation of how Jesus could have walked on water. Their answer: It was actually floating ice.
look, when it comes to OR (organized religion) i'm as skeptical as the next guy...if the next guy is charles darwin. but is the walking on water thing going be the basis upon which we decide whether jesus was, in fact, the progeny of god?

say it isn't so, jehova.

either he walked on water, or he didn't. either he was/is the alpha-omega dog, or he ain't. but if anyone makes up their mind one way or the other based on 2000 year old meteorology, they need to retake christianity 101.

was jesus a metaphysical being capable of suspending the laws of physics willy nilly? or was he simply a wise philosopher whose teachings are ignored by millions of good christians every day?

good questions. and as jesus, i would probably be expected to provide some answers. bear in mind, when i hear the word "rapture" i think deborah harry. when i hear "loaves and fishes" i think pike place market.

but don't rush to judgement.

because as god is my witness, i can walk on water any time, anywhere.*

* disclaimer: water must be frozen. global warming may affect results. see gospel of spaceneedl for details.

No comments: