Wednesday, July 04, 2007

break out the butterfly nets

my wife is base jumping off the cliffs of insanity.

no, actually she's bungee jumping. again and again and again. boing boing boing.

meet the new dog, nothing like the old dogs. it has a breed, but i can't bear to say it, let alone type it out here. if you must know, it's a cross between two dogs i'd never acknowledge in public, let alone bring into my house.

it has a name, but i refuse to use it. for the next 15 years or so it'll be "your dog." as in, "your dog just peed on the rug."

and "your dog was attacked today by a bald eagle."

my wife made a unilateral decision, and i have to live with it for 15 years? are you kidding me? i make a unilateral decision about where to get take-out for dinner, and i'm a totalitarian. "we didn't want suchandsuch for dinner, we wanted pizza!"

yeah, well, i didn't want a long-haired rat in my house, either. get over it.

going forward, i've decided to make a lot more unilateral decisions. i'm going to do things i've deferred or declined, because i thought i was in an egalitarian relationship. for example, i'm going to...

hang on a minute, i'll think of something.

i'd say, "play golf" or "go scuba diving" or "go to the indoor climbing gym," but i really don't have the time to do those things any more.

i'd say, "buy a red convertible," but i don't really want a red convertible. i'd say, "get a tattoo," but i already have the latitude to do that. nothing gratifying there.


i make the decision to make unilateral decisions, and i can't think of anything to decide.

please help.


Anonymous said...

1) Build a chicken coop
2) Remove of concrete wall
3) Build a walk-out basement

All 3 are unilateral moves that you can make that will not upset your wife. Any other unilateral move will be dangerous at best.

good luck - jm

spaceneedl said...

those are the suggestions of a married man. and i appreciate them. but i'm looking for something a little more, oh-i-don't-know, peevish.

do you have anything peevish in your repertoir? something i could borrow and slightly modify to kinda make it my own?

that'd be great...

Anonymous said...

Lamentably (no, happily), I am a married man. The imagination that you require has been destroyed (no, refocused).

1)take a cooking class... but you already cook well
2)become a golf cadddy... now you just need to find the next Tiger Woods or just bump off Wood's caddy
3)speaking of, maybe start a crime family. M,P, and A can all be killers, but they exude such sweet innocense.
4)build a baseball field in the backyard.... people will come