Sunday, April 17, 2011
the first cut is the deepest
with reasonable care and maintenance, your new mower will provide years of service (where electric power is available).
your new mower is environmentally friendly in that it produces zero emissions! (note: nuclear generator, coal-fired plant, or similar power source required.)
your new mower is effortless to start and maintain (note: some plastic pieces may detach and be caught in rotating blades. use caution when being hit by flying pieces, as unsafe bleeding may occur. disconnect power immediately and call 911 if needed.).
some assembly required; do not attempt to use mower prior to assembly.
children should not attempt to use mower. adults should use mower only with parental supervision.
when using this mower, always wear adequate ear protection, eye protection, hand protection, foot protection, and electrical protection. failure to wear adequate protection may result in injury or death.
important notes about your new electric mower:
1. this is not a self-propelled mower; user must push mower and activate blade to cut grass.
2. this is not a gas-powered mower; it may not cut through long grass. if your grass is long, a gas-powered mower may be required (where gasoline is available).
3. this is not a gas-powered mower, but it is still plenty loud. especially when attempting to cut long grass.
4. why did you let your grass get so long?
5. this mower may be used in "mulch" mode. even when not in "mulch" mode, it will leave behind residue similar to a grass smoothie (especially if your grass is long).
6. your dogs may eat and regurgitate grass smoothie-residue.
7. grass smoothie residue will cling vigorously to mower wheels, shoes, and dog paws. it is easily removed upon contact with indoor surfaces such as floors, rugs, and couches.
8. grass smoothie residue may obstruct rear bag assembly; use caution when allowing mower blades to amputate fingers, as unsafe bleeding may occur. disconnect power immediately and call 911 if needed.
9. electricity and water don't mix! do not run over exposed sprinkler heads as this may cause unsafe contact between water and electric current.
10. if water and electric current come into contact, unsafe ventricular fibrillation may occur; disconnect power immediately and call 911 if needed.
11. do not run over electric cord (user-supplied); power to mower may be interrupted. do not allow "live" end of severed power cord to touch wet grass or grass smoothie residue. do not stand on wet grass or grass smoothie residue when in contact with "live" end of severed power cord as unsafe ventricular fibrillation may occur; disconnect power immediately and call 911 if needed.
12. mower blades may become dull after cutting grass. use caution when sharpening blades as metal shavings may work their way into skin and enter bloodstream. if metal shavings enter heart or other organ via bloodstream, do not attempt to remove without supervision of a trained healthcare professional.
13. do not attempt to adjust wheel height while mowing.
14. do not attempt to clean mower blades and undercarriage while mower is plugged into a power source.
15. failure to observe these recommendations may void warranty.