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| "Sir, this is a tiki bar." |
I'm fine, thanks.
Well no, it's not entirely true, but it is kind of the socially expected answer, isn't it. Most people who ask aren't really looking for the truth.
Thanks, I appreciate that. Yes, it probably will be helpful if I answer your questions honestly.
Wait...before we start, I'm curious how you're doing. Yeah, a lot of people need help right now. I don't know how you keep up. Who do psychiatrists talk to when all the psychiatrists are anxious and depressed?
Their bartender. Ha, of course. No, that was good.
Right—well, the past several weeks have been...challenging. And I've put off thinking about it to stay focused on things that needed to get done. Yes, we have talked about that. I know...blocking out something today can manifest itself later, and at really inconvenient times.
"Serenity now, insanity later." That line will always be funny, Dr. Hartley.
But yes, you're right, and I'm, you know, working on it.
Here's the thing, though—if I had taken the time then, the family project I was in the middle of would have failed—and I'd be even loonier than I am now.
No, of course...we don't say loony. Can we say chronically frantic? Or frenzied? Or frenetic? Yes, I'm aware those all mean the same thing, and they'd all apply.
Dr. Hartley, our schedule literally left no room for error. If even one of the things on our list hadn't gotten done—when it was supposed to and in the order it was supposed to—the whole plan would have hit the floor.
Yes, I have heard that—"a plan built on the best-case scenario is no plan at all." But this time, honestly, it was best-case or nothing.
You know, before I met you, I didn't worry about things that were out of my control. I said, "I'll control the things I can control, and the other things will have to take care of themselves."
Yes, I know that's denial—but it worked.
Did it really work? I don't know...maybe? Maybe not. But at the time, it sure felt like it did. I definitely had more peace of mind.
Nothing is ever really under our control. Yeah, that's funny-not-funny, isn't it? Yes, I'm familiar with the butterfly effect. It doesn't really make me feel any better.
Well, because the butterfly effect is just another term for "chaos," and there's too much chaos loose in the world right now. I'm feeling the need to bring some order to our little corner of the pandemonium. Yeah, that's turning out to be harder than it used to be.
"Let's just do today." Yes, I like that idea. Let's do that.
The good news? It's that this part of our project is just about over. Definitely.
And that some people we had no expectations of came through in ways we never imagined. Really amazing ways.
No, I'm not sure why they stepped up the way they did. I mean, if they had done nothing it would've been perfectly reasonable—and I wouldn't have thought any less of them. But that's not what they did. It was...something.
The bad news?
Well...some people we did have expectations of are just...no longer capable of living up to them. No...no, it's not their fault. It's mostly mine for being oblivious to it for too long.
No, it's okay. It's just that it's shocking how fast things can go upside down. Right? Yeah, it feels like we were incredibly lucky, under the circumstances.
I don't even want to think about it.
Kidding.
Anything else today? Give me a second...yeah.
I guess it's that we can do hard things. I wish I personally didn't have to learn that over and over, but apparently I do.
"We've done it before, we can do it again." Yeah, you would think.
I'm always more like, "Past performance is no guarantee of future results." Thanks for laughing at that, doc.
Right! I don't take things for granted any more. It feels like it just invites attention from the irony gods. Yeah, they have a sick sense of humor.
Already? That went by fast—again. Thanks for listening, as always. Okay. Will do.
You take care of yourself, too.
***
"Only a crisis makes me feel truly alive. When the crisis is every day, though, I feel numb and fatigued. And that’s what I was watching happen to the people around me."
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