Win Some Lewes Some

"This painting doesn't belong here!"

Mama pajama rolled out of bed
And she ran to the police station
When the papa found out he began to shout
And he started the investigation

It's against the law
It was against the law
What the mama saw
It was against the law

—Paul Simon
***
"The above-pictured individual was involved in the theft of artwork from the art exhibit at the Lewes Library on 08/15/2022 between the hours of 11 a.m. and 12 p.m.

"LPD is requesting the public’s assistance in identifying this person.

"If you recognize the individual or have any information on the incident, please contact the Lewes Police Department at (302) 645-6264."
***
I have so many questions.

First, didn’t Wilford Brimley ascend to the great spaceship in the sky, never to be seen again? Or am I mis-remembering the {spoiler alert} ending of Cocoon?

 

Second, note that the allegedly stolen painting is affixed with a white ribbon. According to the Danish System of Recognition (in use at state fair competitions across the US), a white ribbon signifies “…entries that do not meet average standard. The level of accomplishment is less than expected. Extremely poor workmanship or little thought is given to the exhibit.” 

Why would any competent thief steal an "extremely poor" painting…UNLESS it wasn’t really poor at all—and in fact concealed an original and heretofore unknown work of Van Gogh??

 

It's possible.

 

It’s also possible that the thief is ackshually the artist, incensed by what he considered to be thick-witted cloddishness on the part of the judges.

 

It’s ALSO possible the thief is Van Gogh himself, reclaiming that which was stolen from him lo these many moons ago. Likely? No! But possible!

 

Third: The town of Lewes (lewes.com) prides itself on being “…a walking town. Within a half-square mile you will find the Historic district, museums, many Inns, Bed & Breakfasts, fine restaurants, and a variety of ...”

 

That’s it…that’s all we learn from the lewes.com preview because its web site “took too long to load” and currently “cannot be reached”. Coincidence?

 

Is the thief simply a good samaritan, taking unappreciated artwork out for a breath of fresh air in the self-proclaimed “walking town”?

 

Is the artwork now part of an exhibit in one of the nearby musea? WE DON'T KNOW!

 

Maybe there's a clue back at lewes.com, where one *will* find “…the Historic district, museums, many Inns, Bed & Breakfasts, fine restaurants, and a variety of ...” A variety of what? Who can say?? But let's agree that any of those venues could benefit from surreptitiously acquiring an unknown Van Gogh!

 

Another look at the Lewes PD wanted poster reminds us that the painting was taken from the Lewes Library. In the security camera image, the thief appears to be of an era when art knew its place: paintings in musea, by god, and books in libraries—and never the twain shall meet. This remained true until Twain thought it would be great fun to sit for a very young Salvador Dalí, and chaos was unleashed on the world.

 

The point being, perhaps the image merely captured the “thief” in the process of moving the painting to a museum, thereby righting what he deemed a great wrong. In which case he’s not a criminal, but rather, a god damn hero.

"Dudes! If you see a stolen painting, like, 
let me know! Righteous!"

The Lewes PD may have thoughts on that—perhaps one of these people are investigating as we speak:

"Currently, our department is staffed with 13 State Certified sworn police officers, 1 civilian Administrative Assistant, 6 Parking Enforcement Officers and 10 Lifeguards."