Always Worth It

Bubbles up

Never more grateful for
the existence of trekking poles
nor happier to be welcomed back home.

They will point us toward home
No matter how deep or how far we roam

They will show you the surface
The plot and the purpose

So when the journey gets long

Just know that you are loved
There is light up above
And the joy is always enough

Bubbles up
Bubbles up

—Jimmy Buffett
***
I had almost forgotten how many ways a long race can go wrong...and right.

This sunrise, which actually got
better the more we climbed.

Like, how I can sign up for a 55-mile event, finish just half of it...and still feel like it was an amazingly great day.

The H.U.R.T. Peacock Challenge 55 started in the dark, immediately climbing a couple thousand feet to look out over a gorgeous Hawaiian sunrise. 

That view alone made the hours that followed worthwhile—a mindset I rediscovered despite not running an ultra for more than four years.

***

Our farm sits on the lower NE side of Mauna Kea. The country roads on these slopes are almost entirely up or down—not a lot of flat to be found anywhere. 

Which makes it an excellent place to train for climbing.

This is fortunate since one loop of the PC course includes more than 6,200 feet of elevation. 

What our hills didn't prepare me for was 90-degree temperatures on "the Long Road"—an exposed, seven-mile out-and-back on baking asphalt. We get some warm, tropical conditions over here on our side of the Big Island, but nothing like that.

Woof, it was rough, and it left me wrung out and hung out to dry.

Miles 23 to 28.5 were an exercise in patience, as I was moving slowly through some acute physical lows. In years gone by I would have been deep into a pity party that invariably would go something like...

"What's wrong with you? You should be running this."

"I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know I don't want to be out here any more."

"Well, that's stupid, there's only a few miles left."

"You're stupid."

"No, you are."

...and so on.

None of that negativity happened on this day, because I knew what was wrong with me (electrolyte imbalance and dehydration), and I knew I was going to have to just settle in and hike the rest of the way.

And I was okay with that. Because it was something I knew I could do, even if it took a good long while, no matter how lousy I was feeling.

Also, recognizing I wasn't going to make the first loop cutoff (7.5 hours), it felt like there was still some honor to be had in getting back to the starting line under my own power.

So, that's what I did.

***

In these few days post-Peacock, I've felt a lot better than I was expecting to. My legs feel sound, with no pain at all. Which tells me the many months of hill training were on point.

As with a couple of previous DNFs of 50 miles or longer, I'm left to wonder what I could have done differently about my hydrating and electrolytes. The challenge is that none of my experiences at those distances have been similar, and no regimen has worked the same way twice.

Just when I think I have something figured out that I think I can count on, the ground-rules shift beneath me.

As it goes in an ultra, so it is in life.

Point me toward home, somebody.

Bubbles up. 

***
Toe the line.
Take the chance.
Blow up.
Struggle.
Fall apart.
Try again.
Worth it.

Always worth it.

—Sally McRae

***

Peacock Challenge 55

DNF

Shoes:

Topo Mountain Racer 2

Song stuck in my head for way too many miles:

"Surfing In A Hurricane" —Jimmy Buffett