Saturday, January 19, 2008

i don't know much

look at this face
i know the years are showing
look at this life
i still don't know where it's going
i don't know much
but i know i love you
that may be all i need to know
i don't know much
but i know i love you
and that may be
all there is to know

a cold, dark, winter day in the pacific northwest finds the spaceneedl family indoors, moving slowly, feeling none too eager to get out in the world.

except for missus spaceneedl, who is busy businessing in boston. she left the morning after i returned from miami, so by the time she returns (late tuesday) we won't have seen each other in 10 days.

could be worse. our neighbors, who got married about six months ago, have split up. i don't know how they could live together for more than a year, plan and pull off an extravagant outdoor wedding, then just, plahh! hit the wall in less than half a year.

according to her, the fighting started practically as soon as the wedding ended. there is no "according to him," because he's gone back to the midwest, which doesn't sound like much of an improvement.

i know, "this kind of thing happens all the time"®, but i still don't get it. nor do i get the corrolary, "it's better that it happened now instead of five years from now."®

i'm not a big fan of conventional wisdom, because it doesn't apply. it doesn't take individuals or a billion variables into account. why is it better that it happened now? are you sure it's better? you know these people? you know the future? no? then why are you running your mouth?

sorry. i'm cranky. my neighbor's biological clock is ticking loudly, and she's heartbroken, about seventeen different ways. "a woman doesn't have to be married to have a baby," mrs. spaceneedl reminds me. this is true, but it ain't optimal, either. parenting is hard enough with two--i don't know how single parents manage. financially, logistically, emotionally, or otherwise.

this morning's clouds have turned to rain. it's 3:30 in the afternoon, and it looks like it'll be dark soon (though today never really got to be all that light). in the interim, the little spaceneedls and i have been to the climbing gym, where lots of couples were clambering around, smiling, having fun.

the requirement there is that you work as a team; one climbs while the other belays. you do your job, pay attention, make sure your partner doesn't hit the floor. or the wall. the agreement is non-negotiable: don't let me down, don't let me get hurt, and i promise to do the same.

there's never any ambiguity if the agreement is broken.

it's a flawed analogy, i know. relationships are fraught with ambiguity. but the premise is sound. you work together, day after day, year after year, and you've got a chance at whatever permanence we're allowed.

it beats the alternative.

and that may be all we need to know.

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