Monday, April 06, 2009

lost and found

Some things get lost
some things just disappear
but not my love for you
I'll keep that close and near
some things just fade
like scars and dreams
I got your heart right here with me

-- alice peacock

we pass the marker every day, without really noticing.

it points to the road not taken, and no matter which way we go, we're not on it.

there's a powerful allure pulling us "thataway," and why not, after all? that way is untarnished by disappointment, and so full of promise.

twenty-five years ago, if i had it to do over, i'd have gone to australia. or whistler. or the cayman islands. i'd have taken some job, any job really, making just enough to live there and soak up the exotic for awhile.

visiting such places these days, i see lots of kids who are doing exactly that. i look at them wistfully and think, yes, that's certainly what i would've done, back in the day, if i had the chance.

or would i, really? one change, at any point along the way, and the entire sequence of events that we blithely think of as 'our life' falls apart. which means i never would've met mrs. spaceneedl, that the little needls would blink out of existence, and i'd be a completely different person.

what road-not-taken would be worth that? the answer, for me, is that there isn't one.

but what would you change? what risk would you take to get off this road, and onto that one? the answer is twofold:

1. you can do it any time you like and
2. you'll never know

because no matter how many times you change lanes, you're still in the one you're in, and not a different one. ain't it a wild ride?

and you may ask yourself
what is that beautiful house?
and you may ask yourself
where does that highway lead to?
and you may ask yourself
am i right? am i wrong?
and you may say to yourself
my god! what have i done?

-- david byrne

let's say, hypothetically, that a friend of mine works for the seattle fire department. and let's assume, theoretically, that he thinks i'd be a good fit there. while we're at it, just for fun, let's take it one step further and say i'd even consider such a thing.

there's an allure there, i have to admit. i like the idea of the sfd. i respect the mission, and i admire the people who do the work.

and, like everyone in the history of people, there are days i look around and think, how did i get here? and, just generally, wtf?

so, where would a crazy new road lead? is it too late to consider, too drastic to even ponder?

of course it is.

then again, who's to say what's too crazy?

You said you'd realized in life
that chances pass you by
and what you thought was yours
slowly fades before your eyes
and part of growing up
is that you can't go back in time
you have to live with your regrets
and things you leave behind

-- alice peacock

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