contortions, convolutions and miscalculations: fun with gymnastics

reason for absence: view-monia.

live-blogging the washington state gymnastics finals, 2012

we're here at glacier peak high school, home of the grizzlies...and the best cafeteria view i've ever seen.

seriously, these kids have a 30-foot high wall-of-windows view, across a wide verdant valley, of the north cascades mountains. it's ridiculous. if i were teaching here, i'd hold every class in the cafeteria. if i were a student...well, i'd be arrested for impersonating a student. but if i were a student, i'd be late for every class, staring out at this ridiculous view.

we're not in the cafeteria, however, we're in the gym. it's hot in here. unlike every other metro seattle gymnastics meet ever, where you can't wear enough layers to stay warm through three hours of sitting, shifting, sitting some more...suddenly it's uncomfortably warm.

i'm not complaining.

the falcons from seattle pacific university, decked out in their usual purple and lighter purple and silver sparkles, are ready for this meet. they're peaking at the right time, competition-wise, in that they're here and there's a meet going on.

after march-in, in which the gymnasts, um, march into the gym, the host and announcer usually says, "and now everyone please rise for the national anthem." i was literally shifting into a nonsitting position in anticipation of the ritual, when the guy said, "okay, we did the national anthem earlier today, so we're going to get right to the events. gymnasts, let's move out."

i feel strangely unsatisfied and anxious now. apparently i'm a creature of habit.

the first event for the falcons is the vault. in this instance, the vault is a quick run down a blue bowling alley lane, launching off a springboard into a handstand, followed by a flop onto a four-foot-high cushion. it looks like it would be a great place for a nap, if it weren't for the constant stream of gymnasts flying around and raising a ruckus.

avery is good at this flopping. this year she's put up a string of 9+ scores in this event, setting a high standard for springboard flopping. the score is based on the average of two running flopping attempts. our girl ran fast, flopped expertly, and came away with a 9.025.

"great flopping, AG!" her mom and i didn't really yell. it's best not to distract her with that kind of unnecessary embarrassment.

in between events, there's a lot of waiting. this is particularly true at gyms that have no heat in winter and no AC on freakishly warm spring days.

we're sitting, we're sitting, we're waiting. we're sweating...and not with nervousness. must. not. doze...

holy moly, it's time for the bars. i must've dozed. avery's up! get the video rolling! focus! she's launching!

this seems like an opportune time to note that "bars" is a bit of a misnomer here. yes, technically they're competing on the uneven parallel bar apparatus, but at no time do they actually touch the upper bar. it's all-low-bar all the time for the level 4 gymnasts. which is just as well. avery is neither confident nor proficient in this event. every meet, there's some disastrous error/miscalculation/equipment failure that keeps her off the medal stand.

she over-rotates, she under-rotates, she forgets to stick the landing. this despite my excellent, season-long imitation of olympic announcers who thrill tv audiences with, "she sticks the landing!" whenever a gymnast does, in fact, stick the landing.

back to the bars. she's doing pretty well. she's neither under- nor over-rotating. she's yet to hang upside down when she should be right-side-up. all that's left is the landing...

she didn't stick the landing. she did, in fact, fall on her butt. there's gonna be a deduction for that, i'm pretty sure. and the scoreboard says...8.575. that's gonna keep her off the medal stand. barring huge, breakthrough scores on beam and floor.

where there are more events, there is hope.

nothing's happening now. the falcons have moved over to the vicinity of the beam, so we can only assume their next event is beam-related. it just wouldn't make sense to have them warm up on beam if their next event was floor. so, the team moved moved from a seated position under the washington state championships banner to the doors near the beam. then they moved to the wall next to the beam, and resumed sitting. nothing's happening.

we sit. we shift. we note, once again, that it's warm in here.

now seems like a good time to get up and leave the gym. hit the restroom. take some iphone photos of the ridiculous cafeteria view. stand by...

...and we're back. turns out, i missed the event. the falcons had, in fact, warmed up while i wasn't looking. no, i wasn't dozing. so almost immediately after i left, the team raced through their beam routines. i caught the very last one, and it wasn't avery. according to the missus, she wobbled like a weeble but did not fall off. this was not good enough for a breakthrough score. she received an 8.75.

perhaps there's a 10.0 on floor in our future. that might get her on the stand. probably not. we wait. no, i'm not leaving the gym.

********

it was a solid floor routine, but not a ten. the girl's final score on the final event of the year was a respectable 8.75.

and on the final tumbling pass, with the compulsory back handspring...

she stuck the landing.

rainy days and thursdays...

when the rain comes
they run and hide their heads
they might as well be dead
when the rain comes
when the rain comes

--john, paul, george and ringo

it's a rainy day in washington state.

not the usual kind, but rather, the kind that soaks working people.

it seems the state's budget crisis is worse than previously advertised, and the usual list of hapless targets is again being set up to pay for the shortfall.

hand it over, state employees. you too, school kids. hey, you poor people--ante up.

new taxes, taxes on the wealthy, closing corporate loopholes? don't be ridiculous. we've got this bunch of saps we can throw overboard first.

state employee unions, see, are monoliths made of money, from which chunks can be chipped away endlessly. and oooh, look at the sculptures created in the process...

it's a teacher scratching her nails on a chalkboard!

no, it's a state trooper with his hands up like he's being robbed!

wait, now it's a librarian hanging a "closed" sign on the dewey decimal system!

isn't fine art great? every time you look at it, you can see something new and teeth-grindingly different!

but, you know, whatever. if we can't afford to pay state employees, we'll just have to find other things for them to do.

like, maybe, making torches and pitchforks.

a death tax we can live with

the washington state legislature is pondering ways to balance the state budget.

this is not an idle exercise, as the governor is required to propose a balanced budget, state law forbids the state to be in the red at the end of a two-year budget cycle, and borrowing money to fill a gap in the operating budget requires a 60 percent vote in both houses of the legislature.

yes, i looked it up.

so, in a pro forma attempt to be fiscally responsible, along with the usual draconian cuts to education, healthcare and other human services, the legislature proposes to raise the tax on cigarettes by a dollar a pack.

the people affected by the cuts have no recourse, of course. not to worry, they're used to getting screwed. the tobacco industry, however, has the unlimited resources and unmitigated gall to fight anything standing between their products and their victims.

to that end, a front group for the death-by-tobacco industry is running ads in washington, using anti-tax teabagger talking points in an attempt to derail the proposal. their radio spot starts out like a straight right-wing anti-tax screed, but quickly shifts into high tobacco-defense mode.

it's so painfully transparent and obvious that it would be funny...if it weren't coming from people who traffic in disease and death on an epic scale.

there are 440,000 tobacco-related deaths a year in the u.s. i'm no mathematician, but i'm pretty sure that's a lot of lung cancer. and pancreatic cancer. and cervical cancer. and stomach cancer.

it's a lot of pain and suffering and since we don't give proper due to such things, it's also a lot of money. direct costs, loss of productivity, loss of tax revenue. funny, nobody ever points at tobacco companies and says, "you cost the economy $100 billion a year, so we're going to tax you enough to make up the difference. is that okay with you bloodsuckers? 'cause if it isn't, we'll just shut you down."

framed that way, the i bet the bloodsuckers would be okay with it.

healthcare is unaffordable or unavailable to tens of millions of americans -- so who could argue with a tax on the world's leading cause of morbidity and mortality? republicans, of course.

in this case the tax would be paid by the customers, which seems a little unfair, since they're paying extra for the privilege of dying a slow, excruciating death. but, whatever...the customer is always right.

what a strange and wonderful country we live in, where the idea of taxing people to pay for government services is an outrage...but allowing a product that kills 440,000people every year to stay on the market is okie-dokie.

it's funny how death is so easily accepted, but taxes?! positively unamerican. no one tops the u.s. in this particular brand of cognitive dissonance and bizarro non-logic.

the washington state budget ain't the only thing unbalanced around here.