orcas-stral maneuvers in the dark

heading up the switchbacks to
the mt. constitution aid station,
randomly looked up to see this.

scenes from sweeping at the inaugural rainshadow running #Orcas100 trail race.
***********
i keep trying to catalogue the images in my head.

so far they refuse to cooperate.

but some things have started to emerge from the fog...
***********
1:20 a.m.: camp moran aid station. returning loop 2 sweeper says "the weather's not bad out there."

1:30 a.m.: loop 3 sweepers head out, are immediately deluged with wind-driven sideways rain. me: (shouting) "no, this isn't bad at all!" kay downes allen: "what?" "i said, 'this isn't bad!" "what??" "nothing!"

1:55 a.m.: visibility: three feet in front of headlamp. "is it me, or is it getting foggy?" "it's getting foggy."

2:05 a.m. "we could literally be passing bodies strewn on the side of the road and we wouldn't know it."

2:10 a.m. "hey, a confidence streamer!" "do you feel confident?"

2:15 a.m. trail marker points away from road, into woods. (ominously) "here we go..."

sometime later: "this is a great trail. i bet it's really pretty when you can see it."

later still: "did we miss a turn?"

"a confidence streamer would really be welcome right now."
"i'm seeing lots of footprints."
"you are??"

"keep an eye out for bigfoot. this is about the time they come out."

"i thought i saw a light up ahead."
"it could be bigfoot."

overtaking our first runner: "hello!" "hello." "how are you doing?" "about as well as could be expected."

volunteers at mountain lake aid station: "can we get you something? we have sushi and soup and pierogis and apple pie..." "do you have anything with caffeine in it?"

overtaking next runner: "hello!" "hello." "how are you doing?" "you just about caught me falling asleep on my feet."

later: "do you see a trail?" "yes, over here." "good, i was about to lead us into a swamp."

later still: "geez, i almost led us right into that tree." "maybe i should lead for a while."

checking in at the team 7 hills
mt. constitution aid station.
(photo courtesy of justin richards.)

approaching section of trail disguised as a small pond: "i'm not sure there's any way around this." "well, #%&*. #@$^, #*%&. we are totally #$%@&."

overtaking next runner: "hello!" "hello." "how are you doing?" "i'm getting ready to climb powerline. it's all i can think about."

climbing powerline: (loudly) "hoo. hoo hoo. hoo." "either that's an owl, or the guy we passed back there is having a lot of fun with this climb." "it's an owl."

next runner: "hello!" "hello." "how are you doing?" "i've been better. i can't keep any food down."

in front of a space heater at mt. constitution aid station, wet clothes steaming. ian burton: "dude, you are smokin'." "oh, yeah. i get that all the time."

post-sweep exhilaration 
at #Orcas100.
(photo courtesy of daisy clark.)

it was all downhill from there.
***********
sweeping a loop of the orcas 100-mile course ~ in the middle of the night, in the midst of wind/rain/fog/snow ~ was outrageously...fun. kind of addictive, in fact.

many thanks to kay, who came up with the idea in the first place. definitely not something i would've dreamed up on my own.

and, the fact is, we needed the miles.
***********
34 days to #gw100k

don't know why there's no sun up in the sky

"duck n cover, dude."

apparently i need a much bigger running pack.

so i have room for all the layers i shed mid-run.

that, or i really have to get a handle on how to dress myself for cold rain.

yesterday's run through discovery park ended with me soaked. again.

not because i didn't have on a great waterproof layer ~ i did. and not because i didn't have other layers i could take off if/when i got too warm.

i got too warm, all right. but by then the inside and outside of my jacket were dripping wet. may as well have gone out without it.

except i hate starting a cold, wet run by being cold and wet.

it says here we're not on the verge of warm and sunny.

fuh.

related: working the orcas 100 aid station this weekend will be interesting. sweeping an overnight 25-mile loop will be an adventure.

multiple ultra finisher jordan maki-richards is excited about the forecast, too:

"Okay veterans and adventurers - any advice on gearing/strategies for the persistent rain and cold at Orcas this weekend? I've struggled with keeping warm in similar conditions past 4-5 hours, so 25-30 is REALLY intimidating."

wet-&-cold loves company.
***********
update, this: 

weekending

sunday's view of the local volcano.

i don't know why i'm so tired this monday morning.

oh, wait. yes, i do.

saturday a.m. 12.5 miles seven hills group run

saturday p.m. clean kitchen, deep-clean disgusting shower (get fingers scalded by bleach ~ idiot), pick up accumulated dog poop in front yard, haul 10 bags of mulch and peagravel down treacherous slope to back yard, fill 6 yard waste bags with cut-back shrubs and blackberry brambles, haul bags back up treacherous slope, order pizza, drink a beer, fall into sleep-coma.

sunday a.m. 11.2 miles up and down chirico trail, 5,280 feet of vertical.

3rd on beam, 5th on floor. a good day.

sunday p.m. shower, wolf down late lunch, do laundry, drive loving daughter to gymnastics meet in tacoma, endure interminably slow meet and awards presentation, drive home in surprisingly heavy traffic, arrive magnolia at 11:15 p.m., get ready for bed, bandage fingers, sleep like a stone for 5.5 hours.

monday a.m. fail to kill alarm, feed and walk dogs in windy cold darkness, shower, commute 26 miles to office. zombie-walk through morning, struggle to recount reasons for current torpor.
***********
it was worth it.

t-minus 53 days to #gw100k

snorca

"they have weird rain here."

where'd you go baby buffalo?
what's become of old cotton eyed joe?
holed-up, lying low
long gone come a summertime snow

~ james taylor
***********
this may have been my favorite day of trail running ever.

rain was forecast at the 2016 orcas island 25k, along with chilly temperatures.

instead, there was snow.

important meteorological note: running in snow beats running in cold rain 10 times out of ten. and twice on saturdays.

race notes: there's some climbing on this course. about 4,450 feet of it, according to the rainshadow running web site. i have no quarrel with this estimate.

you start out climbing, then give back everything you just gained. you reallyreally climb up the powerline trail, then give a bunch of that back. getting to the aid station at the top of mt. constitution? more climbing. all of which you give back over the last 5-ish miles.

the first time i ran this race, my quads hated me for the next three days. this time? no pain at all. throughout the race, i felt strong and relaxed and oops, i fell down. 

see the nice, gentle downhill that starts at about mile 8? man, that is some fantastic running. the trail is buttery soft, snow was wafting through the canopy, everything was still and quiet...except for the sound of me falling. ooof. i landed on my right side and rolled onto my back.

"are you okay?!" asked the nice woman running in front of me. "yup, i'm good," i said, popping back up again. because falling while trail running happens.

two minutes later: boom. down onto hands and knees.

"are you okay?!?" asked the same nice woman in front of me, perhaps concerned i was having some sort of cerebrovascular event. "yup, i'm good," i said again. "thank you for asking." because falling twice while running on a completely benign trail is a little embarrassing.
***********
earlier i said something about this being my favorite trail day ever. that was my exact thought, in fact, while running the fall-down trail.

in retrospect, i think it's because i was in the zone the entire way. i was working hard on the no-kidding-around ascents, but the effort was effortless. there were a couple idiopathic falls, but they were of no concern or consequence. there was snow, which was beautiful, instead of rain, which is wet. my hands and feet got icy-cold at the top of mt. constitution, but they warmed right back up again within a mile.

at the bottom of the last descent, i started to feel the same leg cramp i got while running this section two years ago. then, it hit hard and took awhile to work out. this day it never really took hold, and i ran right past it. or through it. or something.

in no time at all i was finish-line high-fiving race director james varner, two minutes faster than two years ago.

soon, friends were crossing the finish line as well, getting their own high-fives. dry clothes were donned, food and beer consumed. photos, smiles, more finishes, more food. and beer.

finally, an exceptionally cool thrift shop shirt (with the 2016 orcas 25k logo on the back) was triumphantly pulled from a big box of shirts that went unnoted and unmarauded before the race. huge score.

standing here today, i can't think of a thing i'd change.

yup. best trail day...yet.
***********
thank you, rainshadow cast and crew (especially those of you enduring the bone-chilling conditions at the top). none of it was possible without you. just kidding about the soup, colton gerhart.
***********
2016 orcas island 25k

3:13:19
55/254 (overall)
4/24 (m 50-59)

shoes: altra lone peak 2.5
song stuck in my head the entire run: "baby buffalo," by james taylor

gear fail

waterproof: yes. breathable: no.
(environmental controls and other
accessories sold separately.)

there's no such thing as "breathable, waterproof" gear.

you get one or the other.

either way, you get wet.

life lesson: get used to being wet.


***********
sad realization: after years of running trails in the PNW, with a closet full of gear to show for it, i'm still trying to figure out how to dress myself.

capitol idea

"dude, get over yourself." ~ the entire world

i have excuses.

up too early.

too much rain.

wore the wrong gear for rain.

wore the wrong shoes.

the sleeve of my water-logged jacket kept snagging some velcro on my hydration vest.

heavy legs.

runny nose.

some unfortunate chafing.

GI issues.

didn't eat or drink a thing the entire race because of GI issues.

these are just some of the completely legit excuses for a lousy run at the 2016 capitol peak mega fatass.

ten minutes after i changed into dry clothes, the excuses were irrelevant and the run turned awesome.
***********
t-minus 67 days to #gw100k.
***********
2016 capitol peak mega fatass

17 miles (27.4k)
3:08:15
40/147 (overall)
5/14 (m 50-59)

over / under

Hello Ballard families,

This morning just before 9:00, we received information from the Seattle Police Department of two incidents that took place within two blocks of school at practically the same time.  First, SPD got a report of an adult white male with a handgun across the street.  

Secondly, a fight of some kind between two school aged males took place on 65th near Salmon Bay.

The incidents were not thought the be related, but the uncertainty lead SPD to advise us to first Shelter in Place (instruction continues with all doors locked), then as the proximity became clear we were advised to switch to a Lockdown (lights out, total silence, no one enters the building) and eventually back to a Shelter in Place.  The Shelter in Place was lifted just past 9:30.

***********

i don't know what's most disturbing:

that i didn't find out about this until i picked up the email from the school's principal at 10:45 a.m.

that i didn't almost puke after reading it.

that i didn't hear from either of my children during the event.

that my wife didn't inform me after receiving a text from our daughter.

that i picked up my phone to angrily text my daughter, "in the future, please let me know when..." 

i stopped there, and nearly threw my phone at the wall. because of how blithely i assumed there would be a next time, and how routinely i was about to chastise my child.

apparently the threat of gun violence is so expected, so accepted, that a lockdown at school is just a normal part of any given day, not worth getting all riled up about.

the occurrence apparently has become so uninteresting that the principal thinks it's perfectly fine wrap up his email to parents with this boilerplate:

Our students and staff handled the incident very well and everyone is now continuing with their regular school day.  Thank you to Ballard's administrative team, security specialists and office staff for their professional, decisive actions.  It is truly Always Great to be a Beaver!

***********

i'm trying to compose a response to the principal...to coherently express my disappointment and fear and frustration. 

but the rage keeps getting in the way. 

i don't think i'm overreacting...
***********
update: my response.

Mr. Wynkoop.

From your closing to this email, my takeaway is that the threat to the school wasn't very serious.

And yet, it was serious enough to put the school on lockdown.

As a parent of two students at BHS, I'm having a hard time reconciling these disparate messages.

Has the threat of gun violence become so expected and accepted that an email that starts "white male with a handgun across the street" can blithely end with "everyone is continuing with their regular day" and "...it's great to be a Beaver!"?

Candidly, your email brought my "regular day" to a screeching halt; and your close, in my view, trivialized the incident.

I'm sure that's not what you intended, so I would be grateful if you would help me understand the messaging here.

Sincerely,

Michael Miller

first and goal #gw100k

yes, i own some shoes.

i just put up my first-ever 50-mile week.

51 miles, to be precise.

related: i've been eating all the things, and sleeping much more than usual.

and i'm gonna have to kick it up to a couple 68-mile weeks (with some looong back-to-backs) before long.

note to self: buy more food. lots more food.
note to self II: don't operate heavy machinery.

addendum: so much laundry. i typically layer three tech shirts, and i've been cycling through all my compression calf sleeves, shorts, man-pris, and beanies.

running the washer/dryer twice a week, just for my stuff.

#gw100k

the illusion of control, part infinity

"The more we’re governed by idiots and have no control over our destinies, the more we need to tell stories to each other about who we are, why we are, where we come from, and what might be possible."

~alan rickman, on the power of stories
***********
we all have ideas about "what might be possible."

almost without exception, those ideas limit us unnecessarily. if my list of what's possible five years from now and five months from now and five weeks from now isn't constantly changing, i'm doing a horrible job at human-ing.

the difference between who you were and who you are can change in less than a heartbeat. for any of 10,000 reasons. your journey can veer off wildly, in directions you never contemplated, in the blink of an eye.

and yet we still tell ourselves stories about what we can and can't do.

to sum up: don't believe everything you think.

better still: tell yourself a fantastic tale, and then take a step toward it.
***********
"where do you see yourself in five years?"

"i have no earthly idea. anyone who says otherwise is wasting your time."

photo, or it didn't happen

"something smells fishy here."

"people say 'believe half of what you see, son, and none of what you hear...'"

~ norman whitfield and barrett strong

***********
this image just showed up on my FB feed.

at first glance, it looked like someone was about to get an earful of baleen.

amazing! spectacular! omg, can you imagine?!?

at second glance, it looked like a clever (but obvious) bit of photoshoppery.

it's a fake. it's photoshopped. here are the two original images.

it's a fascinating social/media experiment; how long does it take for people to debunk even the most innocuous image/story/video?

the over/under is about 5 minutes.

i mean, i get it: in a bored, overhyped, undersubstanced world, people love the unexpected. but they want it to be real ~ and they don't like to be duped.

still...part of me misses a time when i could be surprised by the unlikely or the unknown without immediately thinking, "nope."

gorge, rising... #gw100k

(representative columbia river waterfall.
your waterfall may vary.)

"t-minus 82 days to #gw100k"

***********
the gorge waterfalls 100k trail race is approaching... i was gonna say "...like a freight train," but that's not quite right.

#gw100k is more like an asteroid hurtling toward earth. you can't see it yet, but you know it's out there, and its arrival is just a matter of time.

depending on the day, i'm either piloting a ship directly into the path of said asteroid intent on blowing that f*cker up, or i'm uselessly looking for a cave in which to hide.

which is to say, i'm not ready yet.

when i signed up for this thing, however, i was REALLY not ready. i was tired, mentally and physically, and had serious doubts about lining up on april 2.

still, it felt like it was time to test some new limits, so i got in.

standing here today, i still have many doubts, but their howling is slightly less ominous.

so...progress!
***********
just found out i won a free entry into the mccall trailrunning classic in idaho. a 40-miler in july. how hot could that possibly be? hmm...average highs: 80. average lows: 43. dressing for this will be interesting. layers will be involved...if i've never mentioned it, i hate being cold.

note: many thanks to glenn tachiyama and his "tribute to the trails" calender project raffle; and to brandi bolli-humphrey, who donated the space for the event!
***********
this may be a good time to point out that i've never run longer than 50k (31 miles). forty miles, not to mention 60+ miles, is quite a ways out of my wheelhouse.

and yet for some reason i also dropped an entry card into glenn's raffle for the 2016 bigfoot 100k. i didn't win that one, but the idea hasn't gone away.

what are you trying to do to me, 2016?
***********
lodging for 7 people in troutdale, oregon: confirmed. we have a place to crash the night before and the night after the race. strongly suspect sleep will be hard to come by on april 1; probably not a problem april 2.
***********
also just confirmed: sweeping one loop (25 miles) of the inaugural orcas island 100 mile race (feb. 19-20). overnight. it'll be good to get the miles in; also good practice for...uh...being out in the cold, in the dark.

will be working the team 7 hills aid station friday and saturday, as well. currently not sure when sleep will happen.

this may be a good time to point out i don't get enough sleep.
***********
eleven trail/road miles yesterday, sore left achilles today. run? rest? i need a long back-to-back.

run!

quiet

boxes with checks next to them. anti-bedlam.

enough for today
the demands of the moment
the thing on my mind 
is the work in my hand
wood for the woodstove
and water for coffee
something i can still understand
over the ocean from here
over the mountains from there

~ james taylor, 'montana'
***********
like every year before it, 2015 was utter chaos.

and, like every year before, out of the chaos came more beauty and ugliness than our brains could process in a lifetime.

the aspect of my life that stilled the bedlam and brought a flimsy sense of order to the madness was running.

nights in the rain. days in the mud. heat. dust. feeling sick, feeling completely in the zone. the steady constant was the quiet of the trails, and the peace of mind it always brought.

four and a half years into this epiphany, my only regret is that i didn't discover it sooner. that, and a lack of closet space for the shoes.

people more nuanced in such things than i gently remind me that meditative silence is essential to our mental health. a firehose of cacophony must be balanced with an internal mute button. and whether we achieve it through yoga or prayer or exercise or some other path, the point is that it gets us to a place of stillness. else we begin to shake apart.

a lack of internal quiet is a big reason why i ran more in 2015 than ever before. more racing miles. more training miles. more "i have to go run now or my head will explode" miles. i thought at this point in my life there would be more time for review and reflection and rumination. and other r-words. instead there's less time, and far more need.
***********
re-reading this post from late 2014, i find i wrote about many of the same heartbreaking, exhausting things in 2015. mass shootings, racism, poverty. so, either i'm stuck in a rut, or the world is.

it would be so much easier to ignore it all. 

but, it's cold, and there are countless people (and other living beings) who need help. a homeless man, darryl, still lives under the bridge near our house. if i ignore him, if i don't bring him food and blankets and warm clothes, he might die there. how would i explain that to my children? how would i live with myself?

there's no ignoring the exhausting things; but there is a chance to make them less bad.
***********
things i learned while running in 2015:

peace of mind is only a mile or two away.
a bad run becomes good when it's done.
when everything hurts, or i feel sick, i can keep going.
lots of people really are sick and hurting, and would give anything to be there with me. 
there is beauty enough in the world to counteract the ugliness, if you just agree to see it.
every moment, every step, every mile is a gift.
***********
2015

miles covered: 1,367. 

last race of the year
deception pass 50k
6:28:59
98/190 (overall)
7/13 (m 50-59)
shoes: altra olympus 2.0

drive time

on the way to work this morning, i rolled up to a stop light.

standing at the corner was one of our ubiquitous homeless. the hood was up on his inadequate raingear, his sign was dog-eared, and he carried a battered cane.

i waved to him, and he slowly shuffled over. the light was about to change, and the line behind me was eager, no doubt, to make their right turn on red. i felt hurried and a little anxious.

"how about some breakfast?" i asked, offering him my clif bar.

saying something i didn't quite catch, he took it from me and then said, "thank you."

"you're welcome," i replied, rolling up my window as i turned and accelerated, already late.

the first notes of 'happy christmas (war is over)' began as the man's words finally coalesced...

"i don't have any teeth."

"what am i supposed to do with that?" i silently yelled at no one.

pounding the steering wheel a couple times, i drove on.

winterfest with attitude

last evening we returned from buying a christmas tree on bainbridge island.

it was a "cut-your-own" place, complete with hot apple cider and handsaws that may have been sharp, once.

we waited in the ferry queue for over an hour on the way back, worrying we wouldn't make it home in time to see the annual tree lighting in magnolia village. 

we made it, with 10 minutes to spare. the lights went on, and everyone said "ooh" and "ahh." after, smiling adults and young children wandered the bucolic main street visiting festively decorated shops.

rockwell would have felt right at home.

on our return to the house, i loosed the tree from the top of the car, and began tying it to the rail next to the driveway. while doing so, i became aware of two women, nearby, shouting at each other...

"no, YOU shut up!"

"i can't believe you called the fire department!"
"i was trying to help you!"
"shut your face!"

there was more leading up to this exchange, but those were the words that made me stop and pay attention. 

(it may be worth noting that in magnolia overt drama typically manifests itself in the occasional, furtive eye-roll. one hardly ever hears "shut your face!" outside the local playground.)

with that, the shouting stopped.

and i went back inside.

no additional drama has ensued today. 

yet.

***********
update: dropping off the girl for a babysitting gig, i was tailgated and flipped the bird by a guy who apparently wanted me to drive more over the speed limit than i was comfortable with.

shut your face, tailgating dude.

scary clown

#trump2016

at some point, someone is going to have to hit donald trump in the face with a pie.

it's the kind of thing that happens at circuses all the time, after all. and if the pie turns out to be made of acme bird seed... well, you know. oops.

because while trump is a clown, suddenly his act has taken a dark turn, with a combustible momentum all its own.

***********
recapping the past week, the leading GOP contender has said if he were president he would:

* reinstitute torture of terror suspects

* set up a database and ID system to track muslims in the U.S.
* close houses of worship

if that were not enough to fan intolerant flames, trump also falsely claimed "thousands of new jerseyans cheered the 9/11 attacks," and said that protesters at one of his rallies "should have been roughed up," after a black lives matter demonstrator was punched, choked, and kicked by trump fans. (yes, he calls them "fans.")

trump's incendiary week was capped off by this particularly wild-eyed exchange about muslims in america:

"But anyway, we have training camps growing where they want to kill us,” the man said. “That’s my question: When can we get rid of them?"

“We’re going to be looking at a lot of different things,” Trump replied. “You know, a lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening. We’re going to be looking at that and many other things.”

yes, bad things are happening. but they're not going on in secret camps: they're happening on camera, for the whole world to see. which is why, for the first time in a particularly seedy GOP campaign season, donald trump is being called a "fascist".

since the beginning of his campaign, trump has incrementally raised the bar on low-minded rhetoric. but what started as boorish insults has degenerated to inflammatory talk appealing to the easily stampeded. and with each sexist, racist, inhumane, anti-american quip and proposal, his numbers have gone up.

what this says about trump is self-evident. what it says about the faction of america embracing his latest raving is disgusting and disquieting.

trump's "message" (if by message you mean "the deranged swagger of the incompetent and incoherent") resonates with the same dark underside of america that crawled out to shout inarticulately for george w. bush ~ and the war crimes that helped make daésh possible.

too many times (and too easily) in recent history, americans have been whipped into a frenzy by current events. instead of responding with measured courage and resolve, we surrendered to irrational fear. which led to gratuitous war, torture, and the debasement of america's reputation at home and abroad.

where once we unwaveringly said, "never again," and "that could never happen here," we now shake our heads and say, "what's next?"

with donald trump, and too many others we've actually elected to uphold america's values, the red flags are flying in plain sight.

what's next? 

as always, for good or ill: whatever we choose.
***********

“We’re going to have to do things that we never did before. And some people are going to be upset about it, but I think that now everybody is feeling that security is going to rule. And certain things will be done that we never thought would happen in this country..."

~ donald trump

"Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!"
~ the joker